Maximum Pain in the Ass

Meet Mr. Brightside.
Mr. Brightside has a pain in the ass.
He must update his blog or his ass will be gone.
He is Philemon's inflamed sense of vulnerability.

Again, Mr. Brightside return after 2 weeks.
This time, Mr. Brightside wishes to narrate:
"Oh, hi!"
Mr. Brightside got tired of narrating.
He leaves the job to the anonymous other.
Who is this anonymous other?
No. Not the computer itself. Don't be stupid.
No. Not some slave from India or Timbaktu.
No, definitely not C-3PO or Jar Jar Binks.
It is none other than Light Sour o0O!

Meet Light Sour o0O.
Light Sour is a pain in the ass.
He update his blog to kick some ass.
He is Philemon's inflamed sense of sourness.

Oh, here we go again...
Last 2 Thursdays, I went for MUFY Talent Quest.
Yeah. TALENT Quest.
Yes, I do notice the irony and contradiction.
Although pestered to participate by my friends,
I ignored them like a Typical Malaysian.
Who always go, "Whatever." "Dunno. Dun care."
In fact, some people actually thought I did d-_-b
Even so, I just went there as an audience.
It started off with a girl singing High School Musical...
Too bad for her, the mic didn't work the first 3 attempts.
Then many people went by doing below average singing.
My guess is due to Sunway College's sound system.
Sunway College boleh! The sound system rules!
In fact too much to the point the echo overrules everything.
There was some people who did good ones though.
One of them even beatboxed which was actually good.
3 of my friends participated in as a dancing team.
They did songs like toxic and they did it quite well!
All because of my prior constructive criticisms.
However, they did not win any awards due to...
...unforeseen consequences where lecturers...
...called them sluts for what they wear...
...which was not even a bit sexy...envious lecturers...

Talking about TALENT and not contradicting it.
Let's just get to the top three starting from the 3rd.
My friend - Pooja who is a belly-dancing teacher.
She has her own studio and teaches this.
She gave me her card and I seriously considered it.
Well, she shaked that hips...Her hips didn't lie!
Her pants weren't on fire! My eyes weren't lying!
The ass-shaking went for minutes, stunning audience.
It was like a stun grenade thrown in which lasted for minutes.
Reminded me of my high school teacher who was like a flashbang.
He's bald head was so shiny it reflected every single light beam!
Second was an African couple which had diva voices...
They're voice was totally blew my eardrums away.
But I was able to regenerate back my eardrums immediately.
First was 3 people singing Umbrella and some Malay song...
Good but not that TALENTED...Surprised they even got top 3.
And in fact they got First. The judges are...well..."TALENTED".

Last 2 Fridays, I went to Joseph's house for dinner!
Yum...yum...never had good food since Ipoh!
Love that salad and spaghetti! Thanx lotz! Invi me again!
The next day, I went out with Jmay & Weng Sum.
In the end of the day, Jmay was really furious at one thing.
Whereas, I was really disappointed and angered at one thing.
Why so? It is because we wasted our money...
...watching one film scarring the name of a good game:

Max Payne


This film is an adaptation to the video game with the same name.
Max Payne indeed was an awesome game spawning off this film.
When I had a glimpse of the trailer, dark winged creatures appeared.
Instantly, I criticized it as it does not exist at all in the video game.

Having low expectations as it is a film based on a video game,
I watched it to realize that the dark angels are just hallucinations.
The film certainly implemented a massive change compared to the game.
However, there are of course lots of things taken in from the game.
The video game was indeed dark and noir.
However, the film aspires to do just the same...only better.
This was where it fell. It tried to reach The Dark Knight's screenplay.
It just utterly collapsed with the failed attempts of capturing emotions.
I felt no emotions watching this scenes. Emotions were bland.
The action scenes were completely bland too. No intensity involved.
The video game was popular due to they're "Bullet Time".
Bullet Time is where everything slows down except Max himself.
That's Max Payne's main highlight. However, it was only once.
Some may call it twice but the second is totally not one.
If you even played the game, the depicted bullet time...
...was so fake and different compared to the original.
It was not even what you call bullet time. It was bullshit.

The film failed at everything except one thing:
Totally smearing the name of the excellent video game.

[Rating: 2/10]
[Conclusion: Max Payne in the Ass]

Last Friday, my English lecturer asked me to be a teacher.
Later in the evening, I went out with my Sunway CF mates.
Due to my friend, Joey's belated birthday,
A bunch of us fled to seek refuge in Sunway Pyramid.
Running from what seems to be non-existant.
We had dinner at somewhere that the birthday boy hated.
Thanks to our complete ignorance, we ate at KFC anyways.
Somehow, we found ourselves being archers shooting arrows.
I bailed on that as I was too excited for the upcoming film.
It was just minutes away and I didn't want to spend more cash.
What film you may ask?

Well, I have a confession to make...I liked High School Musical.
There, you have it. I'll give the first [Rating: 7/10].
However, the 2nd didn't impress me with a [Rating: 5/10]

After hours trying to book the day prior,
My friend finally got it covered and finally we got a seat.
At the front row.....four rows from the front to be precise.
It was actually still okay as it is not as bottom as bikini bottom.
Without popcorns, I entered the threatres for the premiere of:

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

So far, being called as the last of the trilogy...finally....
High School Musical 3 starts off with a sweaty Zac Efron.
Okay, spoiler ends here. Let's talk about the cast.
I hate the main couple, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.
Zac Efron can't sing in real life and is vain about his hair.
Vanessa Hudgens is a slut with her nude pic posted online.
I like the antagonist couple though, the Evan siblings.
Yeah, I know that Ashley Tisdale got a nosejob.
But who cares as long she doesn't look like Paris Hilton?
The one who can sing better and act better are these two.
I couldn't care less about the rest of the cast...

Okay, since this is a musical as mentioned in the title.
This is one oddball. The songs are weirder and awkward.
Completely distinct from the previous two installments.
Only one or two of them were enjoyable and nice.
Speaking without any discrimination or prejudice,
They are the ones with Sharpay and Ryan Evans.
Other hits were sometimes simply ear-shearing.
It was like Shaun just "Wo Fei" out of nowhere...
...and just cut my ears with shears and then vanish.

The plot this time is not so rigid unlike the first 2 films.
It lacks the emphasis on the storyline.
It is just like asking, "How old are you?"
To which someone answers, "Oh, I'm a girl!"
You simply get lost without knowing the story at points.
As always, Sharpay will be the girl with the "attitude".
Ryan Evans will be as jolly and queer as always.
The main couple will be cuddly as always and forever.
There's memorable moments and references of previous films.
Especially, Sharpay's one and only "Mah! Mah! Prrrr! Prrrr!"
Unexpectedly, introducing new characters in the final film was...
...actually not bad as some were just simply lovable...sometimes...
To sum the final film, it was awkward and utterly disappointing.
As both a semi-fan and film critic, it was a happy ending...NOT!!!
But it is definitely A WORLD LOT better than Max Payne.

To really super duper big fans, this is what I have to say to you:
You'll either really love it big time or simply hate it.

[Rating: 3/10]
[Conclusion: Too Senior for High School]

After the film, everyone turned emo for a moment.
Several moments later, we found ourselves at Latte at 8.
We saw Jason Lo there but we just walked pass him.
Ignorance is bliss. That's the code of Malaysians.
We walked around outside Pyramid for quite a while.
Only to find ourselves inside Pyramid again, playing pool.
Birthday boy found himself as a good pool player.
As for me, I saw my potential in pool as I'm a newbie.
However, everytime I'm always left in a pinch! Despair!
Since then, everyone started using, "I'm in a pinch!"
And somehow talks about sticks and balls started...
It was meant as normal thing but it sounded wrong.
Some were enjoying from that talk but some didn't.
Me? I was just busy hitting balls with my stick.
Yeah, that sounded wrong now, doesn't it?

Later, Pyramid closed and we stayed in playing cards.
We met two guys kicking trash cans and misplacing stuff.
Nasty little rascals! Eitherways, we are Malaysians.
Ignorance is the way we live our lives in Malaysia.
We decided to stay in but got shoo-ed around 3 a.m.
We then decided to head home with a trolley.

Meet Mr. Brightside.
Mr. Brightside is the opposite of Light Sour.
He thinks that Light Sour should stop being sour.
He is Philemon's inflamed sense of adequacy.

We have good news and bad news.
The bad news is Light Sour is on leave currently.
Apparently, he was too sour that the light wasn't working.
The doctors note were:
"Light Sour has a broken ear drum from TALENT quest."
"Light Sour experienced a max pain in the ass."
"Light Sour experienced his senior years."
"Light Sour has lack of sleep."

The good news is that Mr. Brightside is here!
Since Light Sour has already mentioned almost everything,
Mr. Brightside has nothing else to say except about his apartment!
Where does Mr. Brightside live?
The Mushroom Kingdom!

As you enter the house, you see shoes lying all over the floor.
As you can see, the door is patch as it was broken by my ex-housemate.
The doorknob was broken so he just broke the door to enter!

This is how empty my living room is.
Nothing else but just junk and useless furniture.
Except for the modem at the side there which I use!
Look at the long cable connected to my room!

The kitchen which I only use to get water to boil water.
A week ago, the stove is actually totally on the floor.

My room door from inside my room.
Equipped with jacket and jeans!
Also, my epic Dark Knight poster =D

More posters in my room with a mirror and a belt.
You can see the reflection of me camwhoring my room.

At the side there are curtains blocking the windows.
Outside the window is the corridor where everyone can see me.
p.s. The curtain did not cover the whole window...
People may have already caught me nekkid =O

More posters together with my epic fail PC at the corner.
It keeps giving me one long beep and two short beeps at startup.
I always give it a smacking to show how much I love it.
That's how Malaysians roll: Smack it and it'll work!

My bed equipped with many posters and a computer in front.
Proves how much movie I have stored in my computer =D
I'm no couch potato! I'm a bed potato? More like a lion! RAWR!!

Outside my room, behind the kitchen, lies the toilet...
Why is my apartment named Mushroom Kingdom?
At the side of the toilet's door, lies a mushroom! Fungi Mushroom!
If I eat it, I'll get an extra life like in every Super Mario games!

Meet Mr. Brightside.
Mr. Brightside has a mushroom in his apartment.
He went "Eww...Gross!!!!" and screamed out loud.
He is Philemon's inflamed sense of unsavoriness.

1 comment:

Puventhan said...

Wth.. But love ur adventures and the way u put it.. With ur comments on movies.. I look on ur review as a review to see movies in cinemas..